Teaser for my book.


one girl (Stephanie) who is a no one, shy, quiet, and just tries to blend in and live in the shadows. That all changes when the hunky football player Matt asks her out. It was a date she could never forget even if she wanted to. The date was all a bet between his buddies and him that ended with a black eye. His black eye to be exact. He really should learn that no means NO. That day was also the day she gets her first real life boyfriend. The shocker is that it’s one of Matt’s friends. Alex was Matt’s right hand man until he got the hots for Stephanie. Is it love? Or could it be something completely different? It’ll all come together when Matt gets out of jail and comes after Stephanie AGAIN. The only thing left to do is run and hide. The cops are no help what-so-ever, they have bigger doughnuts to fry so to speak. Alex and Stephanie take off on a life or death game of hide and seek that takes them from dirty hotel to dirtier hotel up and down the Carolina coast. Ever since that first date Stephanie had been taking baby steps to make a change in her life, but when she’s pushed too far the baby steps she’s taking turns to leaps and bounds. However, Rome wasn’t built in a day and everything takes time. Find out what Stephanie does when time is running out.


just a little rant… :)

okay, I admit my guilty pleasure is watching the real housewives. currently there’s a big blow up about the BH housewives. I just want to say I know for sure I never want to be famous. EVER! being a fan is fine everyone judges and everyone forms an opinion about who these people are or are not over a 45 min. t.v. show. Then on any social media they can gets their hands on they attack and name call each other along with the reality stars. REALLY people you do not know these people personally all you know is what you see once a week in less than an hour. please be a mature adult about sharing your opinions because you  wouldn’t like if everything you’ve said or done was on blast and you had thousands of people on your ass out for blood.  if you are old enough to have any type of social media you should be old enough to know right from wrong. voicing your opinions is all fine and dandy just don’t go to far with it, because if you  were on  the other side of all this BS then you wouldn’t really like it either. if you  wouldn’t talk to your mothers, daughters, or sisters that way then don’t talk to someone else that way either.

just an example:
MsNancy ‏@Naunceling · 9m
@sydneyjohnson20 Blocked for lack of reading comprehension, poor upbringing, and general boorishness.

and this was because I disagreed. “Poor upbringing” this person has no idea who I am or what I’m about and this is ignorance and the exact thing I’m talking about.


When Literary Agents Wave the Red Flag

loved this!

The Daily Dahlia

It’s been almost a full year now since I signed with my agent, but the thing about querying is, if you did it for long enough, I’m not sure you ever forget what it was like.

Me? I did it on and off for four years.

I got something like ten rejections on my first ms before I stopped (not that I’d normally advise giving up after that low a number, it’s just that it was far more of a “market timing” thing – NA! – than anything else), fifty before shelving the second one (what, until my most recent ms, was “the book of my heart”), and then was very lucky to find my agent through The Writer’s Voice contest with my third, for which I only sent about five queries.

That adds up to a whole lotta two things: 1) Research 2) Rejections

When I queried the first…

View original post 2,138 more words


Chapter 3

Chapter 3

                It was hard to fall asleep last night after everything that had happened. When 6:30 rolled around I had no desire to get out of bed. If only I could have a day to recuperate. The snooze on my phone went off again, I guess not. I jumped in the shower and blow dried my hair. Trying to be as quiet as I can because my parents were still sleeping and had to get up for work in a few hours. I plugged in the curling iron and went to find something to wear. Pulling out my handy dandy white flats that always seem to be my go to shoes when I don’t think anything else would look right. Well, maybe they’re just my favorite shoes. I start rummaging through what I have in my closet to find something that will look fantastic on me. There are tons of jeans a few cute tops and a couple dresses. I pulled out a cute little sundress. It was black and had some kind of flowers on it. Looks good to me, and my flats will work out just perfectly. It was already 7:15 by the time I put everything on and got situated. I grabbed some make up from my dresser and made my way to the bathroom. I don’t know what I’m doing I haven’t attempted to curl my hair since middle school. I have no idea what to do with foundation so I stick with the basics. Eye liner, mascara, a hint of eye shadow, and some chap stick. I don’t need to be getting Alex’s lips all glossy before school. Then everyone will really start talking.

                By the time I was finished with everything it was already 7:50. He should be here in about ten minutes. I gather my school books and the homework I neglected to get done last night so I could put them in my bag for school. I thought about grabbing something to eat really quickly but my nerves thought better of it. I give myself a glance over in the mirror just to make sure I look okay. Okay did not describe the person I saw in the mirror. Whoever that girl is was beautiful. I’m beginning to like this girl. I know what I see but I still feel like the same old me. My phone vibrated.

                I bet that’s Alex I say as I pull my phone from the pockets in my dress. Whoever thought of pockets on a dress is a genius! Can’t wait to see you today. We’ll see if you can make everything up to me. My breath caught in my throat. It wasn’t Alex. Now, I was nervous for a whole new reason. I really did not want to go to school today. The only good thing there was going to be Alex. There was a knock at the door.

                “Hey.” Alex look quite handsome this morning.

                “Hey.” I turned to grab my stuff so we could get this day over with when my phone went off again. See you soon was all it said. When I looked back up at Alex I must have looked some kind of crazy.

                “What’s wrong?”

                “Nothing, it’s nothing don’t worry about it.”

                “It’s Matt isn’t it?” He pressed his lips together and you could feel the anger coming off him.

                “Maybe, but don’t worry about it. He’s just being stupid.” I hoped I was right. I really did not want to fight with anyone at school today.

                “Fine.” I could tell he was going to have a hard time letting this go.

                “If anything happens or if I get any more text messages I’ll let you know and you can handle it. Sound fair?”

                You could see him starting to calm down and relax a bit. “Fine, but I still don’t like it.” He grabbed me by the waste and pulled me into him. “Ya know what I do like though?”

                “What’s that?” I wrap my arms around him.

                “This.” He took me by the hand and twilled me around. “You look. . .”

                I wanted to hear what he had to say so badly. “Look what?” I gave him a look.

                “You look beautiful.” leaning down to kiss me I could feel the tingling on my lips before he even touched me. Pushing me back a little so he could really take a look at me he mouthed the letters W.O.W. it made me feel electrified to know he feels this way about me.

                “Ready to go?” I could feel myself blushing. He took me by the hand

                “Anywhere with you babe.” I didn’t even have to grab my books he swept them up for me as we walked out the door. We talked about silly stuff and listened to music on the way to school. Pulling into the parking lot I was as nervous as ever. There were so many new things going on today when yesterday I had nothing but my job and myself to worry about. Now there’s a whole shopping list of things to worry about. Alex wraps his arm around my waste and we start walking into school. Everyone is just staring at us. I’m not sure if it’s that he’s walking in with me or they’ve seen Matt and he’s been telling people about last night. Or, it could be the fact that I’m in a dress. Probably a combination of the three. Whatever the reason it’s making me uncomfortable. I could feel Alex hand grip a little tighter while we walked to my locker. “So, you got any plans after school?”

                I bump him out of the way so I can get into my locker. “Yeah kind of, you see there’s this really cute guy that is giving me a ride home.” I’m trying my best to flirt with him. I only really know what I’ve seen out of the billions of movies I have at my house. You could tell he was getting flustered

                “Oh, some guy huh. I bet he doesn’t mean anything to you. Why don’t you just ditch him and let me take you home?”

                “I don’t know. The thing is I really kind of like him. Plus I’ve known him for a really long time and I’d hate to have to hurt his feelings.” I teased.

                “Hmm, maybe I’ll just beat his ass then. Show him your mine.” He teased back then kissed me on the check. He put his hands around my waste pulling me into him so that I was leaning back on him. He bent down to whisper in my ear. “Steph, you really do look so beautiful today. I just wanted to let you know I feel like the luckiest guy in the world today.”  I let him kiss my cheek once more before getting to class. “See you in a bit.” It was so weird having everyone watch me walking to class. Maybe it wasn’t the fact that I was with Alex this morning. Maybe it was just me. I never wear makeup let along curl my hair. I don’t think any of these people knew I even owned a curling iron. When I got to class all I could think about was Alex. I really hope this isn’t him just getting me to fall for him so he can turn out to be a jackass like the rest of his friends. As everyone filtered in I got some second glances. Some people looked confused, and some ignored me all together. I was used to the last one, so it didn’t really bother me. I sit beside a girl named Kallie Barns in my first period class. The first few weeks of school she would try and make small talk with me. After it didn’t really go anywhere I think she gave up. When she walked into class this morning it was a whole different story. Her mouth fell open.

                “Damn Stephanie, I didn’t even know you owned a dress. You look.” Great here it goes I thought. “Nice.” Surprised I just stared at her for a second.

                “Thanks.” I gave her a weak smile. Then looked over our notes from yesterday. This was the first time I haven’t done my homework ever. At least I can’t remember the last time I haven’t turned in a homework assignment. Trying to concentrate I heard her say something else. “What?” I looked up.

                “I said, what are you all dressed up for? Hot date?”  She gave me the thumbs up sign.

                Alex’s perfect smile crossed my mind. “Kind of sort of.” Again shock was all over her face.           

                “Holy shit! Really? I was just joking. Who is it tell me everything!” She threw her books down on her desk and spun my direction. “Come on, spill it!”

                “Alexander picked me up for school this morning.” Looking around wishing class would start because I really did not want to make a big deal about any of this. “We’re seeing each other now.”

                Before she could even get anything out I was saved by Mr. Thomas. “Okay class, get out your homework from yesterday.” I went through the rest of class avoiding Kallie’s astonished stares and trying to pay attention to what was going on in class. The bell rung. Too bad I couldn’t stay in Math forever. My next class is English. Oh joy, time to see Matt for the first time since I punched him. Hurrying to my next class so I could get my books situated I was of course the first one in there. Normally Kallie is following not far behind so when someone came in behind me I didn’t think anything of it until the door closed. Due to all the school shootings and crazy people in the world our doors lock automatically when they’re shut. Mr. Creed, my English teacher, has hallway patrol between first and second period and stops to get coffee before heading to class so he’s normally the last one to get here. The sound of the door closing made me jump. Turning to see who had come in behind me I came face to face with Matt. Fuck my life I thought as I continued to my seat. Don’t be afraid Steph, just ignore him. The part of my mind that told me I should be this crazy fearless woman screamed at me.  Stand up for yourself! Looking at the desk top I whisper the word change. Slowly lifting my head to face my fears I could now see Matt fully. I’d given him a black eye last night and just then I saw the purple and blue stamp I left of him face for the first time. The fact that I did that to him surprised me so much I let out a tiny laugh.

                “Bitch, you think this is funny?” you could see the hate and anger in his eyes. If looks could kill I’d be dead long ago. On the inside I was freaking out, scared out of my mind. Matt is psychotic and there’s no telling what he was capable of. On the outside I tried to stay as calm as possible.

                “Just a little.” Letting some of the fear show on my face. Change I know, but Rome wasn’t built in a day.                

                “Lucky for you I’ll let you make that smart ass comment up to me to.” He looked dark like something wasn’t quite clicking in that beautiful head of his, and that scared me. “Hmm, what can you come with? Hopefully it’s something good.” He looked my body up and down like I was some sort of prey. “Aw.” He smiled that beautiful smile of his. No matter how twisted his head is he still looked pretty good. He had something planned I was sure of that. Too bad I’m not into sick and twisted. “You got all dressed up for me.” until that moment he hadn’t made any movement towards me. Now he was so close I could feel the heat radiate off his body. I just sat there not knowing what to say. “Come on, I know you can think of something.” I felt his fingers brush up against my bare arm. It made shivers go down my spine.  He was to close now. No matter how many times I tell myself to just be strong I just can’t. I just can’t help being scared.

                “Matt stop. Just leave me alone.” Last night flashed in my mind when he held me to him. His grip was so tight. The door was locked and we were alone. I could feel the panic start to make my nerves on edge as he moved even closer to me.

                “You got away from me last night but don’t think I’ll let that happen again.” He grabbed my arm and yanked me out of my seat.

                “You got what you deserved Matt. I told you to stop and you wouldn’t.” I tried to stand my ground without him seeing how afraid he made me, but that was hard considering I was close enough to him I could smell what he ate for breakfast. “I’m sorry but. . .”

                “Bitch, you’re sorry!” the sound of his voice was terrifying. “Saying you’re sorry won’t make up for any of this.” He pointed to his now black eye. I could help but let out a nervous laugh. He shook me around and threw me to the ground. I landed hard enough to know I was going to have a bruise in the morning. The fear started slipping away replaced with anger. I will never let anyone hurt me again. The more I thought about it the more pissed off I became. Change is baby steps right? I’m pretty sure I just learned to walk while I was being tossed around like a ragdoll. He wants a fight then fine that’s what he’ll get.

 “Okay, you want the truth Matt. I’m not fucking sorry.” I hissed. “I’m glad I punched you in the fucking face. You should have never put your damn hands on me. I told you to stop and you didn’t. The only reason you were there in the first place was because of some stupid bet. You’re lucky that.” I pointed to his eye. “Was all you got?” for being such a no body and so timid all the time I really did have a mouth like a sailor when I was pissed off. 

                Rage spread across his face and I knew if I didn’t get that door open so everyone could start to flow in I was going to be in trouble. “You stupid little bitch. You punch me in front of everyone, give me a black eye and now you think nothing is going to come from it.” I saw his fist fly up like he was getting ready to swing. I panicked and instinct kicked in trying to get up from where he threw, but I was too late. I could feel the instant burn across my face as his hand slapped me. Tears started flowing instantly. Yanking me up off the ground he grabs my wrist. It feels like my arm is being pulled out of its socket and I struggled to get away. Everything was happening so quickly. As he was pulling me up into him I lifted my knee right into his stomach. I saw my chance to get away while he was bent over holding himself. Again instinct kicked in I started for the door when he grabbed my arm. In one swift motion he yanked me back around. I let me free hand ball into a fist and spun as hard as I could punching him in the face. “Stupid fucking whore! You’re going to pay for that.” Keys jiggled in the door so Mr. Creed could let everyone in for class. The distraction was all I needed to get away and I took every change I could get.

                “Fuck you Matt. Go die in some fucking hole somewhere.” It was the best I could come up with before running down the hallway. I slid up against my locker having no way to get out of here because Alex brought me to school today.  My brain went into overdrive trying to figure something out. My wrist were so achy and I could feel the hand print on my face sting as I tried to touch it. A few people walked by as I just sat in the hallway crying. Fuck this, I’ve got to get out of here. I didn’t even care about school at the moment I just wanted to leave. I put my book bag in my locker and headed for the doors. I didn’t want Alex to get into anything with Matt so I didn’t text him to tell him what happened.             

                As I started walking down the street to get as far away from school as I could I broke out my phone to tell Alex I wouldn’t be there the rest of the day. After I pressed send I slid my phone back into the pocket of my dress and didn’t look back. We lived on the edge of the school zone so it’s a ten minuet drive just to get to school. I don’t even want to think of how long of a walk this is going to be.


The Change In Me ( Chapter two )

Chapter 2
You know how you feel tension in the air? Well, I’m pretty sure Alexander could feel my fear and nervousness in the air too because he didn’t make any movements towards me. I could see him stealing glances my way every now and then but other than that he stayed on his side of the couch. We were already maybe a quarter of the way through the movie when the little voice inside my head started yelling at me. Change Stephanie change! I tried to ignore it because I just don’t think I’m ready for all that just yet. Not after tonight at least. That little voice just wouldn’t go away! Thinking of what I could do without getting to close and without giving off the wrong impression was kind of hard. I don’t do these things so I have no clue how to go about it.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine it’s just a little cold in here.” I lied. Alexander started looking around and found the blanket my grandmother made for me before she died. The next thing I knew he was draping the blanket over me and sitting back in the spot he originally sat in. getting more comfortable with him being so close to me I inch my way a little closer pretending like I’m adjusting my blanket. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Sure, what do you have?”
“Um. Let me check.” I walk into the kitchen to see what we have to drink. Tea, water, and Pepsi. Walking back to the living room with one of each in my hands I lift them up. “These are your choices.”
“Pepsi is fine.” He smiles. As I pass by him on my way to sit back down I drop off his drink. Setting the other two drinks on the coffee table I grab my blanket and plop down in the middle of the couch. “Stephanie, I really am sorry about what happened tonight.” There he goes looking down in his lap again.
“It’s not your fault alexander. You didn’t do it.”
“Alex.” He looked straight into my eyes. “Call me Alex please.”
“Okay, Alex. You didn’t do it so you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I know but I feel like I should have stopped it all somehow.”
“Well, even if you could have or should have you didn’t. But what you did do was come find me make sure I was okay and take me home.” I smiled my plain Jane smile then whispered “then I wouldn’t be sitting here with you.”
When the movie was coming to a close Alex got up to put his shoes back on and head home. “Are you leaving already?” I sound desperate. Honestly I am sort of. I want to get to know him better.
“It’s already almost one in the morning.” He laughs. “My mom’s probably freaking out wondering where I am. I could feel my face turn red. I should be so selfish but I really did want him to stay a little longer. I was just getting comfortable damn it. “Half an hour.” He sat back down. “So, now that you have me what do you want to do?”
Hmm, that was a good question. “Truth or dare?” I questioned. “Wait! Can we do more truth than dare? I’m not so sure about you yet.”
We both giggled a little. “Sure, anything you want.” We readjusted so we were facing each other on the couch. Once we were settled he asked me truth or dare giving me the option of when to let loose and pick dare.
“Why did you agree to go out with Matt tonight?”
I wanted to say because I’m a no body and he was cute. “I don’t know. He offered I guess. Maybe there’s a little more to that but that’s my answer.” He sat quietly and nodded. “Truth or dare?”
“Why did you agree to come inside?”
“Because, you offered.” He smiled when I wrinkled up my nose at his answer. “really though, it was because I wanted to get to know you better and I figured this was going to be my only chance so I took it. Truth or dare.”
“Why are you so quiet at school?”
“I go get my work done. No one talks to me so I don’t talk to them. It’s that simple I guess. In case you haven’t noticed I’m a bit awkward. People confuse me; books don’t.” folding my hands in my lap I look around shocking myself at how honest my answer had come out. I didn’t even think about the different answers I could have gave I just answered it. That little voice in the back of my mind was back yelling change at me. Maybe this was good. Less thinking more just doing. “Truth or Dare?”
“Why do you feel like you could possibly like me?” whispering the last part. “I’m a no body.”
“You’re not a no body Stephanie. Don’t ever think that.” Anger flashed across his face for a split second then disappeared. “I’ve went to school with you before any of those guys. Before middle school when everyone from the elementary schools were all thrown together we had all the same classes. Don’t you remember?”
Yeah I did but I haven’t thought of that in a very long time. It seemed like a different planet from where we are now. “Yes, I remember.”
“I was shy then. Playing sports in high school has helped me get over that. We were kids I know but I always had a thing for you back then and I have always wondered what would have or could have been like if I would have just said something when I had the chance. Since then you’ve been so closed off and guarded it’s been impossible to get close to you.”
Honest much? I do guard myself from people. Why wouldn’t I people are evil sometimes. Playing games just to hurt other people. Seeing that does not make me want to open up. I was an open book until middle school. Shit went down and I changed. I must have been silent for too long because Alex tapped my shoulder. I jumped at his touch.
“Sorry, you looked like you spaced out.”
“Yeah, I did. Just thinking my bad. Truth.” Was all I said?
“Will you go on a real date with me?” all I could see was that shy little boy I went to school with all those years ago. He was too cute back then. He had a bowl hair cut with the cutest little chubby cheeks. Same stunning green eyes though. The same green eyes I could feel on me now. As I looked at him now I could still see that little boy in him. His features might have changed but he was still that sweet little boy.
“Yes.” I was suddenly more comfortable with him than I have been with anyone in years. I just felt the need to touch him. Hold his hand, lay in his lap anything to get closer to him. The feeling scared me. I could feel the butterflies come back and smiled.
“You’re beautiful.” He looked amazed every time I smiled. Screw being scared. I leaned against him as he wrapped his arms around me. I felt so safe with him. It was like nothing could never hurt me.
“Truth or dare.” I had to talk about something anything to get my mind off kissing him.
“What will your friends think about us going on a date?” nice change of subject. Something not so personal. Anything to keep me from those lips.
“Who gives a fuck? They’re assholes. If they can’t get over it then I don’t need them.”
“You would really get rid of your friends just because of me?” Inside I was jumping up and down, but on the outside I played it cool. “You barely know me.”
“So? If they can’t support my choices then why would they be my friend anyways?” hmm, I thought for a second. Good point. I guess I don’t know much about having friends. My bookshelf is my best friend.
“That makes sense.”
“Truth or dare?
Out of curiosity I settled on dare this time. “Dare, but if I don’t like it I’m switching.” He shook his head throwing up his hands.
“That’s not fair!” he gave me his best pouty face he could come up with. Or so I’m assuming that was his best, because it worked.
“Okay, fine. If I don’t like it I’ll just get you back.” I shoved him with my shoulder a little playful shove.
“Deal!” he seemed excited about this one. Shit! He moved me off of him so he could be facing me while he told me my fate. I took a deep breath and waited for it. “Be my girlfriend?” my eyes widened as a smile broke out across my face.
“I don’t think I’ll be getting you back for this one.” I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. This feeling in my stomach was so much more than anything I felt with Matt. This was real and so were my lips on his. They were so soft. I could have kissed him forever. When I leaned back it was his turn to have the look of shock dancing on his face. It was kind of cute to see him sitting there stunned.
“I’ll take that as a yes?” he bit his bottom lip waiting for my reply. How could he ask that question? I giggled.
“No, I had to test the waters first.” I gave him a light shove again. He surprised me by nudging me off the couch so I plopped down on the floor. Then he gave me a pouty look and whipped his head in the opposite direction acting like a drama queen. I couldn’t help myself. I burst out laughing uncontrollably. He still didn’t even look my direction which made me laugh even more. “Oh come on.” As the tears rolled down my face I gave his knee a shove.
“Oh, you think it’s funny.” He had a mischievous grin that told me I was in for it now. Before I knew it he sprang into action jumping on top of me tickling me.
“Oh my god! Alex no!” I held out my arms to keep him away but it was too late. His hands were all over me. I squirmed underneath him trying to get away. He was stronger than I thought. I could hardly move around with his weight on top on me. He ran his fingers along my sides until my eyes got wider. Then he knew where I was ticklish. I kicked and shoved but nothing worked. After he felt he dealt the perfect revenge he rolled off me. Laying there beside me we both tried to catch our breath as we laughed.
“Ya know, it’s almost one now.” Panic set in.
“One!” I looked around I have to get this cleaned up. “My parents will be home soon. We have school in the morning. You have to go.” I jumped up and started picking up the blanket folding it up like my mother had it. After I set that down I picked up our drinks to take them to the kitchen. My sister must have stayed the night with a friend because she wasn’t home yet. If she had been in her room I’m sure she would have come to check on us by now.
“I’ll help you clean up then I’ll go.” He grabbed my arm to pull me into a kiss. His lips on mine felt so right I didn’t want to let go.
I leaned up to his ear. “When I kissed you that was a first too.” When he leaned back he was grinning from ear to ear.
“Good.” Was all he said before he lifted me into his arms for another kiss? He gently set me back on the ground and took the drinks from me. When he walked into the kitchen I looked around to see what else needed done. Everything seemed to look okay. Not that messy but it looked as if I’d been home all night. I walked into the kitchen remembering the note I wrote thinking I’d be out late. Alex was looking at the pictures on the refrigerator when I walked in. They were all pictures of my sister and me from when we were younger. “These are cute.” I forgot they were there.
“Eh, thanks.” I crumbled up the note and threw it in the trash. I glanced at the clock on the stove. It was already ten till one. “My parents.” Was all I could get out before he put his hand up?
“Don’t worry I got it.” He leaned down to kiss me one more time before heading for the door. “See you in a few hours for school? I’m still picking you up right?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. When will you be here?”
“Around eight sound good?” he yelled back to me while he walked to his car.
“Sure sounds good.” I closed the door and leaned up against the door not believing the night I just had. As I started to walk away there was a knock on the door. “Forget something?”
“Yeah, I might need your number.” Not even thinking about that I laughed more to myself than to him.
“Right, I didn’t really think about that.” I rattled off my number as he saved it to his phone. “Night.”
“Night.” I hadn’t even thought of my phone since I left for the movies. Tonight has turned out a lot better than it started. I hadn’t even thought of Matt in the last few hours either, and now all I could think about was Alex’s lips. I feel like there’s something missing when he’s not kissing me. I reach up to touch my lips where his had been. Something inside me stirred up when I thought about how good it felt. I heard something vibrate across the room.
Looking for me phone I straightened up a little more. When I read the screen it said I had 5 new text messages. Four of which were form Matt. I read the first one. Bitch you fucked with the wrong guy tonight. Don’t worry I’ll see you in English and maybe you can make it up to me. Ha-ha. Was all it said? Awesome I thought to myself. English will be fun tomorrow. I didn’t even bother looking at the rest I just deleted them. Then I looked at the text from the number I didn’t recognize. It was from Alex. This one made me smile. Hey babe, just wanted to let you know I had a great time with you tonight. I’m not happy about the way it started but I sure am happy about the way things turned out. I quickly sent him a text back saying me too. I set my alarm on my phone for 6:30am. I guess I’ll be waking up a little earlier than normal so I can try and do something with my hair. I don’t normally get this crazy about the way I look but I don’t normally have someone to impress either.


The Change In Me ( Chapter One )

Chapter 1
I just started my shift at Ed’s when damn near the whole football team walks in. Great I think to myself, just great! I can barely make conversation at school about our math homework how they hell am I going to talk my way into a good tip. Who am I kidding they probably don’t even remember my name. I’m quiet as a mouse in school. To be honest, No one hardly knows my name. I usually get “hey eh…” blank stares “eh” more blank stares. I’ve even passed people in the halls talking about me. Then I hear “yam know that girl, the one with the boobs.” I guess you could say I’m shy and if it weren’t for my giant boobs no one would remember me. First in class last to leave and I still get to my next class before anyone else. These boys, the football players, are always the last in first out with some super model looking arm candy. Not that I blame them they do look pretty good.
“Steph, you going to go take care of that or do I need to take your tables?” My manager Kyle nudged me in their direction.
“Yeah I’m going.” I snapped back to reality and started walking over to their table. “Hi guys, ready for something to drink?” I asked when I got to their table making sure not to look at anyone of them for too long.
“Coke, sweet tea, sprite.” They all started naming their drink choice off. “Yeah, ya’ got bud light?” Matt the quarter back of the team asked then flashed his million dollar smile my way.
Of course I thought he was asking a real question, stupid me. “No, I’m sorry we don’t. We have Coke products, sweet tea, unsweet tea, lemon aid, and water.” When I looked up to see what the holdup was everyone was just kind of staring at me like I had lost my mind. My face started to feel hot when I realized he was only joking. And, this is why I don’t talk to cute boys I thought to myself as they proceeded with their drink order. “I’ll be right back with your drinks.” I stuttered when I walked away. I could hear them start to talk about me as soon as I turned around.
“Who’s that girl?” one of them asked. “Does she even go to our school?”
“Yeah Todd don’t you remember that girl from English that writes all those weird poems all the time? The smart one with the big tits?” that’s all I needed to hear before I dismissed them all together. Yup, no big tip from these guys.
“Hey Steph, you know those guys?” Kyle asked.
“Eh kind of sort of.” I paused thinking how crazy I sound. “I go to school with them not that they would know if I didn’t show up for a day or two.” Even though I would never not come to school. It would ruin my attendance. I’ve had perfect attendance since first grade. “That one,” I pointed to the Dark haired one with brown eyes. He has that million dollar smile every girl dreams about. “That’s Matt he’s the quarter back for the football team. “The one right there,” I moved my finger towards the heavier set guy with a buzz cut. “That’s Todd. Alexander is in the middle.” He had sandy blonde hair and light green eyes with a sun kissed tan. His smile was something that should be in all the magazines. I might not know him all that well but there was this air about him, maybe it was how his face lights up when he’s passionate about something. I was looking at him a little longer than I should have because just then Kyle started to get this stupid look on his face.
“Ah, that’s the one that tickles your fancy huh.” I could feel the redness come back to my face as I shrugged him off. Embarrassed I got caught looking at Alexander a little too long I hurried up with their drinks so I could hurry up and take their order to get them out of here as fast as I could.
“You guys ready to order?” I could feel everyone stare at my chest before they looked me in the face to give me their orders. Every time I looked at someone else to get their order I could feel my face get hotter.
Pretending to look at my name tag Matt spoke up first “Stephanie?” he flashes that smile of his.
“Ye. Yeah?” I spit out. He suddenly looks up as if he wasn’t staring at my chest.
“Oh, never mind.” Embarrassed I quickly walked away but not before I hear one of them start to say “so, I bet . . . “For the rest of the time besides checking for refills I avoided their table as much as possible. Not only was I embarrassing the crap out of myself I get a little stutter when I’m nervous. Needless to say these boys made me nervous. While tending to my other customers I noticed they were about done with their meals so I thought I could be slick and slide their check on the table without them noticing I stopped by. Fail! I knocked one of their drinks and it made clanking noise as it sloshed around on the table. Thank god Matt has good reflexes or else that drink would have ended up in his lap. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t. Um, I’m sorry.” I started to go on when he stopped me thank god!
“It’s no problem.” He had a nice laugh out of it. “But, aren’t you the one that should be getting wet?” my mouth fell open. Then they all started laughing like hyenas.
“Eh . . . eh.” Was all I could get out before Matt said something else I didn’t quite comprehend at the moment? I was in a bit of shock. The redness in my face I’m sure returned as they all looked at me like I was out of my mind.
“Did you hear me?” he asked. I just shook my head no and kept my eyes on the ground. “I said, aren’t you the girl in my English class that writes all those cool poems?” cool? Me? I’m still not sure I heard him right. So I just shake my head. “Those are really good. What’s your last name again?”
“Trimble. Thanks.” Was all I could manage to get out? I started to turn and walk away before I said or did anything else to stupid. Matt grabbed my arm before I could even take one step. I froze not knowing what to do or say. He’s really touching me right now! My heart beat quickened as I just stood there.
“Hey, wait. Where are you running off to?” when I turned back around he was flashing that smile of his. God he was gorgeous. Now looking straight at him his brown eyes are more of a hazel and his tanned skin is like something out of a magazine. I was too busy taking him in to realized he had started talking again. “So, like I said would you want to?
I wasn’t really sure to what I was about to agree to but with him smiling at me like that it was kind of hard to say no. he could be asking me to do his English homework for all I knew. “Sure, sound great.” I halfheartedly gave him a smile.
“Great what’s your number so you can text me your address and I’ll pick you up tonight around. . .” he wrinkled his nose a little “8 o’clock sound good?” Huh? 8 o’clock? What had I agreed to just then? Stupid me. I should have been paying more attention to what he was saying. Now I have no clue what is going to happen at 8 when he picks me up. “You have a pen right there.” He pointed to my apron.
“Oh, right. Sorry.” I stuttered as I started writing down my number. I even had to check it a few times because, my mind was wondering all over the place. When I handed him my number he handed me some cash to cover the meals. “Let me get your change so you guys can get on your way.” I know I must have sounded like a complete weirdo.
“No whatever is left is for you.” He winks at me.
“Thanks, I guess I’ll see you at 8.” I walk away and this time they don’t stop me. When I get far enough away I look back to make sure that conversation really happened. Everyone looks normal enough except for Alexander. He’s mean mugging everyone. Just glaring off in space. His eye brows are pushed together and has a sour look on his face. I wonder what his problem is.
The rest of my shift goes by pretty uneventful. When I checked my phone there was a text from Matt asking me my address. I quickly texted him where to go and hopped in my truck. It was already 6:30 and I still had to go home shower and find something in my closet to wear. That was going to be the hard part. Finding something to wear. My family wasn’t the poorest but we sure were far from rich. My closet consisted of cheap and cheaper. I paid for my own vehicle by working at Ed’s since before I could even drive. It’s nothing fancy just a beat up old ford truck. It was the best I could do with the money I had. These boys Matt especially has had everything handed to them. They drive the nice cars and have the new phone or the newest electronics while I still carry around the mp3 player I got in middle school. By the time I mentally ran through every outfit in my closet I was pulling into my drive way. My parents both work two jobs so my sister and I can go to a nicer school and live in a nicer home. I quickly write a note saying I won’t be home until later tonight then toss my apron and backpack on my bed so I can make my way to the shower. It’s already almost 7 so I’ll have to make this a quick one. No time to shave my legs just wash my hair and clean up a bit I remind myself.
When I finish up in the shower I glance at the clock. It’s already 7:20 so I hurry and dry my hair, grab some make up and head to my closet. What to wear what to wear? I know it will have to be jeans because I didn’t have time to shave. Since I’m not so sure where we are going I think I’ll play it safe and just wear a semi-dressy shirt. That will be easy because there’s not that many options I laugh to myself. I pick out a salmon satin shirt with long sleeves, a cute little button up. I grab my white flats to go with it. It’s now it is 7:40, looking for clothes took longer than I had hoped for. Crap! I got dressed like I was running a marathon then start applying eye liners and mascara. That’ll have to do I think to myself. I never really wear makeup anyways, but today I stood back and really noticed myself. The eyeliner made my eyes seem even bluer. I have no idea how that could be possible because my eyes were one of my best features if I was being honest with myself. They were a light blue that looked like the water in Bora Bora. I guess it’s more of an aqua color than blue. The black eyeliner just highlighted them. I was quite pleased with myself. My hair was still a mess and damp. I only have about ten minutes left before Matt gets here. My heart started pounding and I went into overdrive trying to move things along. If I just blow dried my hair it would pop up in curls. Hmm. I thought to myself long chocolate curls or just long chocolate frizz ball. Time was running out so I dried it as much as I could and hoped and prayed it wouldn’t get to frizzy. One last look over in the mirror and I’m ready to go!
I’m all done getting ready and pace around the living room waiting on Matt. What have I gotten myself into? I don’t even know where we are going or what we’re doing. Stupid me, I should have been listening to him instead of staring at him. Looking around waiting I’m starting to get nervous. I’ve never been anywhere alone with a boy before and this is not just a boy. This is Matt, the quarterback of the football team. He has super model looking girlfriends that look like they were cut out of a magazine. What does he want with me? I’m nothing special. Plain brown hair with blue eyes. I’m not even as skinny as the girls he’s normally with. I probably have the wrong ideal. He probably just needs help with his homework or something. I don’t know why I got dressed up for this. He’s going to come over and what to stay here so I can help him. Just when I’m talking myself out of going I feel my phone vibrate. I can feel the butterflies in my stomach flutter around when he tells me he’s here. I grab my stuff and head out the door. Matt looks so out of place in my driveway next to my beat up old truck. When I walk out he’s smiling at me. I have to keep myself from looking behind me to make sure it’s me he’s really smiling at. His car is super nice. It has leather on the inside and a shiny red exterior. I feel like he could hear my heart beat out of my chest when I got into the car. I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve never done anything like this before. No guy has ever given me the time of day and now I’m sitting here in Matt’s car on my way to god knows where to do god knows what. Breathe Steph breath, I remind myself.
“So are you excited? You look kind of nervous.” Matt grabs my hand and puts it between us. Making my pulse jump even more.
“Yeah, I. I’m ex excited” I blew out the breath I was holding. God Steph get it together you can’t be stumbling through your words all night. He’s going to think you belong in the handicap classes instead of honors classes. “Can I be honest with you?” I bit my bottom lip and waited for his reply.
“Of course you can I’m an open book. It’d be nice if you were too!” There’s that million dollar smile again. He looked like he wanted something more than my answer. His eyes were on my lips and it confused me a little. I sucked in my breath. Here it goes.
Taking a few moments to think about what I was going to say so I didn’t fumble up my words. “You see I wasn’t really listening to you when you asked me to do whatever it is we are about to go do. So, I really have no idea what I’m getting myself into right now. Think. Think, you could help me out with that?” I blurted out so I didn’t have time to really mess anything up.
He laughs a little and just pats my hand. “Silly girl. Yeah I think I can manage to help you out there. I asked you to go out with me to the movies. You kind of stared at me for a minuet so I asked you again.” Oh my god that smile is going to be the death of me. I feel like I would do anything he asked me if he just flashed me that smile. It makes me melt. His attention went back to the road but that didn’t stop me from looking at him. How did I end up in a car with this handsome man? Why me? I was quiet and kept to myself most the time. No one ever really talked to me. But I have ended up in the car with a super-hot guy and I felt lucky. He had this charm about him that made me a little more comfortable, but I wasn’t totally myself yet. It’s only been five minutes. This is when I realized I really didn’t want to live in the shadows anymore. I wanted to be as brave as the girls in all the movies I’ve watched. I wanted to change.
“Oh.” I sit quiet for a second. “So, what movie are we going to go see?” I felt my hands get a little sweaty so I take them out of his and set them in my lap. I guess change takes time. He gives me this sad puppy dog look that makes me laugh.
“There’s that beautiful smile.” He teases. Me? Beautiful? First he asked me out now he’s calling me beautiful. He must have lost his mind. This might have been a bad idea. Just went I was thinking of calling everything off he smiled. It lit up his whole face. He has something strong in his features I can’t put my finger on just yet. Everything was very proportional. Soft looking lips with the perfect tint of pink to them. That jaw line was stunning. He could be a model after high school and no one would ever question the possibilities of him being anything else.
“Um.” Think Steph think. “Thank you?” not knowing what else to say.
“Um. You’re welcome?” I just sit there not talking anymore until we get to the movie theater. I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing so he thinks this might be a bad idea too and wants to take me home.
Matt buys our tickets and he sees me eyeing the skittles so he stops to buy me some of those to before going in to find a seat. It’s already dark in the theater when we get inside so Matt grabs my hand and leads us to the top to try and find somewhere to sit. I still didn’t pay any attention to what movie we were seeing. Opps maybe I should really start looking into these things. Not knowing what my surrounds are can really make it for a hard escape if I had to leave. When we sat down I tried to keep my distance so we wouldn’t touch. I might be seventeen but I have no idea what to do on these things and I really don’t want to move too fast too soon. I’m just not into all that. I’ve never even been kissed before. Focus Steph the movie is about to start just relax I tell myself. That’s when I realized Matt still hasn’t let go of my hand. As soon as I saw his hand in mine my hand was on fire from his touch. Thank god the movie started to play so maybe it will distract me for at least a few hours. So far it wasn’t helping.
Ten minutes into the movie matt put his arm around me. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about it at first but the idea kind of grew on me, so I left it there. Change doesn’t happen unless you let things happen right? Anyways, it was kind of nice having a boys arm around me. It made me feel safe and protected. Not that I would need protected in a movie theater but hey you never know. I kind of like this new me that goes on dates and lets guys put their arms around me. The, me that isn’t as shy, well I’ll have to work on that part. I should probably be able to say a whole sentence to a boy without stuttering first. Yes, that would be a plus. My mind was so busy wondering that I was hardly watching the movie I was worried about the way the butterflies in my stomach were fluttering around and the way my shoulder burned from his touch. Matt bend down and said something that I only caught the end of “what?” I whispered trying not to be loud.
He chuckled to himself “maybe you should invest in a hearing aid.” He waited for me to smile but I didn’t. I could feel my face start to get hot and I know I was turning red. “It’s okay. I said do you like the movie so far?”
Not wanting to say anything to stupid I just nodded my head and stared at the screen trying to get into the movie. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be with all these distractions. Not even half way through the movie I felt Matt’s hand start to creep down a little ways. I froze instantly. My heart started going wild and my breath caught on my lips. Oh my god what do I do. I’m so not ready for this right now. I just wiggled my shoulder a little hoping maybe that will make him stop. All it did was push his hand down farther. Shit! What am I going to do now? I don’t want to be a prude or anything like that but this was just way to out of my comfort zone. I did not need him trying to grope me in the movie theater. If this is what he thought he was getting himself into when he asked me out on a date then he must have been sadly mistaken. Think, think, think. Just then an idea popped into my mind. I just leaned forward enough to make his hand slide off me. I blew out the breath I was holding and relaxed a little. I knew I was smart, I smile to myself thinking I dodged a bullet. How wrong was I? As soon as I leaned back again his hand was right back where it started. SHIT! “Matt I’m not ready for anything more than having your arm around me. I don’t know if you’re trying to do what I think you are but I just wanted to be up front and honest with you.” I halfheartedly smiled at him. “Open book right?” I felt his hand go still.
“Yeah, no problem I totally understand.” He didn’t even smile this time. Those features I thought were as amazing an hour ago have turned into something to be afraid of. He was cold and stiff. Great he either thought I was some easy prey or that I should be so lucky to be with him I would just fall over him and let him do anything he wanted. Maybe he was just being a typical guy and was just trying to cop a feel. Whatever his reasoning I’m starting to get a bad vibe from all this. “You want to get something to eat when the movie is over?” I heard his stomach growl when he asked me. Maybe, I was just being paranoid. This is my first date and all. I might have just got my singles crossed.
“Sure, sounds good whatever you want.” I’m trying to be a little more positive. Maybe I’m overreacting about the whole cop a feel thing. Just as my bad vibe feelings were starting to wear off I could feel his hand start inching down again. “Matt!” He glanced at me not bothering to stop his hand. “Stop Matt. I don’t want that.” I saw him look down below us and just smile. I followed his eyes and saw some of the guys from the football team. What the hell are they doing here? Starting to feel a bit set up I shove his hand off me. “Maybe we should keep our hands to ourselves from now on.”
He flashes me that smile once more. “Aw, come on. You know you like having my arm around you. Plus it’s really no big deal.”
“As long as it’s just your arm around my SHOULDER nothing more.” He settled his arm back where it had been a left it there until the movie was almost over. He seemed to keep tensing up and looking down at the guys. I wonder what’s gotten into him. Why is he acting so weird? We sat like that for the last few minutes of the movie and then the credits started to roll across the screen. I began to gather our trash and my purse so we could go grab something to eat. Matt pulled me back down into my seat. “What the…” I felt my face grow hotter and my gaze intensified a little.
“Well, it’s going to be a few before we can even get out of here why don’t we just sit here and wait until some people have cleared out.” He slid his arm back around me while we sat and waited. I noticed the guys from the team hadn’t gotten up to leave yet either. Now I know there is something up and I was getting on edge. I just don’t know what the hell it is yet. Damn near everyone was already out of the theater when Matt suddenly pushed his hand down as far as he could and wraps his hand around my breast. Shocked, I felt the burning on my face return as I jumped up out of my seat to scream at him.
“What the hell do you think you’re?” voices erupted from the boys and I lost my focus.
“That was awesome! 20 bucks Matt! That’s all you could get. Really?” Someone snickered behind me.
I know my face was on fire now. Not from being embarrassed, but from being pissed off. Well maybe a little embarrassed too. “20 bucks? Matt what the fuck is he talking about? And, why the hell did you just do that I told you no at least three times. I honestly don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you don’t ever put your hands on me like that!” I screamed have a mouth like a sailor when I’m pissed. I have no idea who this person is. I don’t think I’ve ever been this loud my whole life. Nor have I ever stood up for myself. The boys just bust out laughing. Shortly after Matt joins in. Having them sit there and laugh at me puts me over the edge. “Really Matt you think this shit is funny?” I hissed. “You are so low. What a waste of space! ASSHOLE!” I turn to walk away fearing what I might do if I don’t get away from him. A few steps down I felt a hand wrap around my wrist.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going? I’m getting my whole 20 buck worth.” Matt jerked me up to where he stood.
“Matt, let me go.”
“What if I don’t? What are you going to do then? Scream at me some more.” I snapped, not knowing what to do or how to handle the situation.
“Look let me go. I’m warning you. Get your fucking hands off me.” I was getting nervous again. It wasn’t the good kind either with the butterflies and rainbows. What was I going to do if he didn’t let me go? I could feel myself start to panic a little. He jerked me a little closer to him. I was now only inches from his face.
“Stephanie, are you threatening me?” As I watched his eyes turn a different color my fear increased. It was like he wasn’t even himself anymore. Maybe threatening him wasn’t such a good idea. I started to look around to see if the guys were going to help me or just stand there and watch whatever was about to happen, but he grabbed my face. That’s when the panic really kicked in.
“Matt stop! Get off me. What are you doing?” I tried to wiggle my way away from him. He just held on that much tighter. Finally I got my hand free and swung. I felt my fist against his face and he let me go. I think he may have been in shock because he just stood there for a second. That’s when I knew I needed to get out of there and I took my chance. I ran down the stairs as fast as I could. Stopping at the bottom to look to see what they were doing. They were just standing there not doing a damn thing to help me. “Go to hell!” I screamed. “All of you!” my legs couldn’t move fast enough to get me as far away from them as I could fast enough. I ran out of the exit to the theater and didn’t look back. On my way out the doors that led to the parking lot I saw Alexander. Really him too? He was in on this! I’ve known Alexander since kindergarten. I never would have thought he would have been a part of something like this.
“Stephanie? What’s wrong?” he tried to stop me. I’m fuming at this point.
“Alexander don’t play dumb. You know exactly what is wrong with me. I cannot believe you were a part of something like this! You and the rest of your friends can go straight to hell!” I didn’t wait for his reply before I ran the rest of the way out to the parking lot. My house was a good seven miles away, so I guess I have a long walk ahead of me. I’m grateful it’s May and it’s not cold out right now. Even if it was in the 30’s I still don’t think I could possibly get cold on this walk home. My face was still on fire and I have so much adrenaline pumping through my body I’ll be warm for days. I was a few blocks away and felt safe enough to slow my run to a walk. What the fuck just happened? What would have happened if I didn’t punch him? I could feel the shock start to wear off and I was left with nothing but sadness. I cannot believe he was like that. I thought he was one of the good guys. So far it had been a quiet walk home and I was lost in my own thoughts. How could that have ever happened to me? I’m a nobody.
I was more than half way home when I heard a car start to pull up behind me. I could feel the fear inside me come out. I looked all around for somewhere to run but there was nowhere. My pace quickened as if I could out run a car. I thought Matt was coming after me. For the second time that night it felt as if my heart was going to beat out of my chest. Slowly I snuck a peek at what kind of car was coming up behind me. When I saw a black four door my breathing became normal again. It wasn’t Matt. The car did look a little familiar when I took a second to think about it. A new fear perked up inside me. What if it was one of his friends coming to find me? A guy like Matt wouldn’t just forget someone punched him in the face. Stephanie calm down. It won’t do you any good if you can’t think straight.
“Need a ride home.” I avoided eye contact not wanting to know who it was.
“No thank you. I live just right up the road. I’ll be fine.”
“Stephanie, get in the car. You know damn well you still live a least a few miles away it’ll take you damn near an hour and a half to get home.” Now I had to see who was in the car. Alexander. How the hell did he know where I lived? He hasn’t been to my house since grade school. Not wanting anything to do with any of them I shake my head no. “Stephanie god damn it just get in the damn car!” he seemed to be getting a little angry.
“I said no! What do you want from me? You’ll probably just get paid double whatever Matt is just to clean up the mess! Just leave me alone.” I continued walking. He pulled the car over to the side of the road and got out. SHIT! “Get away from me Alexander! I do not want anything to do with you guys. You are all assholes!
He stepped in front of me. “No! It’s not like that! I told them not to do it from the start! It was wrong. That’s why I wasn’t in the theater! I didn’t want to be a part of that!” all I could do was stand there. For the first time I noticed he was nervous. His hands were balled into fist and they were turning white because he was squeezing them so hard. “I was outside the theater. You saw me. When you left and wouldn’t talk to me I went to find the guys to see what happened.” He took a step towards me. “I saw Matt holding his face and the guys standing around laughing and goofing off. I asked them what the hell happened.” He looked down at the ground as if he was collecting his thoughts. Then he reached out and grabbed my hand. “I’m so sorry Stephanie. I should have been in there watching. They told me what happened.” He looked like he was truly sorry and that made me loosen up a little. My guard wasn’t completely down but it was on its way. “Please let me take you home.”
I thought about it for a second then put one foot in front of the other to make my way to the car. “Fine but I swear if you put your hands on me I’ll make sure we hit a fucking telephone pole.” That was the first time this whole conversation I saw his start to crack a smile. “Do you even know where I live?”
“Kind of.” He admitted. “I’m sure you’ll let me know where to go.” He said while he got back into the car. Once we were one our way I just had to know what the hell happened back there.
“Alexander” I waited for him to answer.
“What happened back there? What was that all about?” I paused. “I mean I’ve never raised my voice at anyone before let alone hit someone. I mean I know why I hit him, but I mean what everything else was all about?” ugh. “Do you understand what I’m trying to ask you?” Getting frustrated I mutter to myself. “I should really just stop talking.
I can see his expression change. “No, don’t stop talking. I think it’s kind of cute.” Then if looks could kill his would have murdered an army. “They’re all assholes. I told them not to do that to you. They have no fucking morals. They bet of each other to see if first they can get a date with whoever the girl they pick is. That is ten dollars to get them to say yes. Then, every base after that is another ten.”
“So, I was just some bet?” I felt even shittier than I already had.
“To them, yes. I told them they were assholes and not to do it. You were different. You were nice and didn’t deserve that. They just told me I went soft on them. That is why I looked so pissed off at Ed’s today.” He sighed. “I know I probably should have warned you or something. I’m so sorry.”
I felt my temper start to flare up a bit. “If you thought it was so god damn wrong why the hell were you even there Alexander? I saw you sitting in there at one point. I know you must have heard me telling him to stop a few times.”
“Look I just can’t tell you right now. Please, just know I was there to watch over you. That’s it that’s all. I did not want to participate in any of that bullshit.”
“Ya know thanks for the ride but I think I should probably walk from here. Please let me out if you can’t give me a straight answer.” Grabbing my things I reach for the door handle waiting for him to pull over.
“No don’t! Please stay me. . .”
Cutting him off me raised my voice some. “No just let me out now! Stop the damn car!”
“No way, it’s too dark now! It’s not safe for you to walk. That’s why I came to find you in the first place. Well, that and. . . .” it seemed like he was going to say something else but he didn’t bother to continue so I finished it for him.
“And what? You’re not telling me anything! You probably were there just to make sure you could clean up the mess. More than likely you will get paid double for this. Just fucking let me out of the car!” screaming now I could feel my face getting hotter. Not because I was embarrassed it was because I was getting pissed off. His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. I could see his hands start to turn white and his body tense.
“FINE! You want to know so damn bad! Here it is! His tone matched mine.” Honestly, it kind of startled me. It scared me a little too. “I told them not to do it because I like you Stephanie! We’ve went to school together since kindergarten damn it! You’re always so fucking closed off to everyone it’s so damn hard to get to know you better! Before I said anything I wanted to make sure I really didn’t like you before I said anything to you! I know those guys! They don’t care about anything or anyone but themselves! Matt just cares about the next big thrill and you were it. That’s why I was there tonight. I wanted to make sure he didn’t get out of hand. Yes, I heard you and I couldn’t watch it anymore so I left the theater. I was on my way back in there when I saw you running out. Fucking happy now?” my anger washed away with his words. No one has ever told me they liked me before. He must have seen the pure shock on my face because neither of us spoke the rest of the way to my house unless it was to give directions. We pulled into my driveway five minutes later. My hand was already on the door handle ready to sprint to my room and never come out. Today has been overwhelming to say the least. When the car stopped I was ready jump say thank you and never look back. The door was open. I was out of the car. Finally in my driveway at my home safe from everything. “No wait. Please stay a second.” I continued to get out of the car so I could take my chance and run if I needed to. The window was down so that where I peaked my head through.
“What?” looking at him just then he had the most caring look on his face. The bright green of his eyes were intensified. It looked as if he had cried recently. I knew that wasn’t the case though I was with him the whole time.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you. You were just asking me all these questions and I wasn’t ready to give you a straight up answer yet. Stephanie, I really do feel like I like you and I would like to get to know you a little better. Would it be okay if I picked you up for school in the morning? “Before his sentence was even over he was looking in his lap. I had a whole bottle of emotions inside me about ready to explode. What if this was just him pretending to be nice like Matt was? But, what if he really did have some kind of feelings for me and I was pushing him away? Why does high school have to be so damn complicated? Nothing is ever going to happen to me sitting at home in my room. I might as well take a chance right?
“Sure that would be okay.” I whispered. This might be my chance to come out of my shell. I’m going to chalk this whole day up to change. I refuse to be the person I was yesterday or even the person when I woke up this morning. When I punched Matt in the face it changed something in me.
“Um, Steph?” I must have spaced out and looked like a total weirdo. He was smiling now so I’ll take that as a good sign.
“Do you maybe. . .” Come on Steph just say it. Just ask him. Come on! “Do you want to come inside? Maybe we can watch a movie or just talk.” I held my breath thinking he’s going to say no.
“Sure.” I detected a little bit of excitement in his voice as he turned his car off and walked over to me. We walk up to the front door in silence. When I reach to grab the door handle he stops me “Let me do it.” Grinning from ear to ear he opens the door. It makes me smile that he would care enough to open the door for me. My own father has never even done that.
“That was really sweet.”
“No problem anytime.”
“No one has ever held the door open for me, or opened a door for me before.”
“Really? No one?” He look surprised.
“Nope. No one.” We started walking to the living room so we could pick out a movie to watch.
“Well, I’m happy to be your first.” We both just look at each other for a second then burst out laughing. “Maybe there will be more of that.” He whispered so low I could barely hear it. My checks must have turned red because he looked embarrassed. Not knowing what else to say I just walked to the stand where we keep all our movies. I never realized how many movies we had until this moment. There are tons I thought to myself. Alexander started to sit down on the couch.
“Wait before you sit down why don’t you come pick out a movie. I’ve seen them all so just pick whatever you want.” When he made his way to the stand I got up and sat on the couch sitting on the end seat so he could sit where ever he wanted. I hope he doesn’t sit to close though. I’m just not ready for a repeat of earlier. “What did you pick?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see won’t ya?” He laughed more to himself than to me. Picking the seat on the other side of the couch I know he must have noticed I let my breath out slowly thinking thank god! He’s really not at all like Matt. Maybe just maybe he really does like me.